ANNOUNCER: Please be advised that we will be closing in ten minutes. We hope you have enjoyed your visit to the New Zealand Academy of Fine Arts: RACHEL: Well, that looks nice... But I don't care. I'm glued to my phone -- Alone, again. It hasn't changed... This isn't fair. I'm staring in vain, At painted men! He said three o'clock, Now it's nearly five; What's wrong with everything alive? I know they seem passé; Just paintings on a wall. But in them I see a world that's almost real, A place where noble ideals can think and feel... The brushstrokes are bold, With a Turner-ish hue. So what if they're old? Doesn't make them untrue... And they'd be thoughtful enough to check their phone, Instead of leaving me stuck here all alone. But they're all trapped in my head; Just vapid dreams I project Onto painted men! He looks handsome, Filled with feeling, Even though he's just paint that's peeling. He seems so tame, Trapped in his frame. But if he were real... He'd be daring, He'd be dashing; He'd have actual romantic appeal! I know that it's stale, Like an old mythic tale, But I bet one day he'll break free. Then I'll see him, Armour shining, Looking just like my silver lining. Then we'd talk alone, Away from my phone. And then there I'd be, In a dream of my own. I'd be happy, There forever, If it were real... ANNOUNCER: We are now closing in five minutes. We hope you have enjoyed your visit.

RACHEL So what's your plan, now that you're all flesh? KNIGHT Why, to live! For 'tis false life to be this paint inanimate, affixed in languid pose. Ah, but gaze upon me now! Mine eye doth glow, My voice doth soar; Mine heart, 'tis mere canvas no more! Mine arms take arms. My teeth, they teethe; For mine sword, it can finally unsheathe! My strikes shall be swift As my thoughts can arrive. And so, what a gift It is now to be truly alive! RACHEL: If you're going to act like an idiot, could you do it somewhere more private? Instrumental bit KNIGHT ...Mine blows are too grand to ignore! I ne'er shall bow My healthful brow, For now am I canvas no more! RACHEL See? It's better when you have something to practice on. KNIGHT I do apologise, fair maid. RACHEL Don't worry about it. By the way, my name's Rachel. KNIGHT Oh. I am "A Knight of the Realm". RACHEL That's not a name. KNIGHT Then I've no need for names. I am bespoke by chivalry. RACHEL How about Lionel? KNIGHT No. RACHEL Lancelot? KNIGHT No. RACHEL Jeff? KNIGHT Sir Jeff? It hardly suits. The Knight thinks hard for a beat. There's a gleam in his eye... KNIGHT (CONT’D) (with conviction) Reginald! MUSIC swells behind the Knight now known as REGINALD. RACHEL is slightly disappointed. RACHEL (shrugs) Fine, Reginald then. REGINALD This new-found name Denotes my core; Trite "Knight of the Realm" no more! 'Tis so well-fit, That I can see The man I intend me to be! I'll meet any foe Who opposes my cause. RACHEL You won't let them go, You'll defeat them without any pause! They turn to each other, sharing in the thought. MUSIC builds... REGINALD (SIMULTANEOUS) New feelings grow; For I feel sure I've never felt this way before! I ne'er shalt bow, My healthful brow, For now I'm a painting affixed on a canvas no more! RACHEL (SIMULTANEOUS) It feels so strange, But I feel sure I've never felt this way before! I don't know how, But this I vow: That now my dreams are to be made out of canvas no more!

ANNOUNCER: This is the Milky Way Galaxy. And here we are, on Earth. A small planet in an inconceivably vast galaxy, which is just one of many galaxies in the observable universe. Beyond the reach of our eyes, vast and beautiful spectacles take place. Spectacles like this!

REGINALD (verse) Life gazed at me, With lifeless eye; It passed me by, 'Till thine eye met mine. I ne’er could dream, Nor hold mine blade; Mere paint displayed, Till you made me shine. (refrain) If ever I feel alive, ‘Tis you, ‘tis you. If ever I thrive, ‘tis you. If ever I have a dream, ‘Tis you, ‘tis you. If ever I gleam, ‘tis you. I never awoke, Nor reasoned, or spoke; I never could see, Till you saw life in me. So, if ever I start to love, ‘Tis you, ‘tis you. If ever I love, ‘tis you!

RACHEL So, the "Knight of the Realm" Is the Knight on my Couch; And, oh, he's impossibly hot! With courtly chic, And a painted physique -- Plus God knows what else he's got... And whenever we talk I can say what I think, With nary a quizzical glare. From Keats and Poe To Millais and Rousseau, I know that he'll stay all there. My neuroses grow terse In his gallant caress, So I'm free to express my desires; Those sensual fires, That I used to repress Shall explode in a sea of verse! God, I hope he's no slouch, That cultured Knight on my couch. Instrumental break PAUL ...So I told them to take a hike. RACHEL I thought you'd like lecturing. You do plenty of it to me... PAUL Yes, but that's different. I hate public speaking... unless I'm winning something. RACHEL Aren't you giving that tour tomorrow? PAUL The ramblings of an old man hardly constitute a lecture. Besides, it's my last chance to be important before I fade into obscurity. RACHEL You're being melodramatic. You'll live on in the archives. PAUL (sarcastic) I can't wait. The VAMP comes back as it was before. AMBIENT SOUNDS fade down; Paul continues whinging (silently) while Rachel turns away and sings... RACHEL But it's hardly his sex That defines his allure, For, oh, is it far more acute. My wistful dreams, With their mid-century themes, Are finally not so moot! As we share of our lives With unbridled delight, I'll finally feel like I'm young; His joie de vivre Shall discreetly retrieve The source of my sturm und drang! And I won't be afraid Of a tender romance, But I'll still be appealingly real: I won't make some spiel Over who wears the pants, And I'll still call a spade a spade. And he won't be a grouch, That gallant Knight on my Couch! PAUL Can you lend me a hand, Rachel? Rachel goes to help him. RACHEL Look, you're becoming a museum piece already. PAUL Ha, Ha. MUSIC fades out. AMBIENT SOUNDS rise... Reginald is attempts to write poetry in the park. REGINALD (frustrated) My star was not born under a rhyming tree! JEROME (casually walking by) Rhyming planet. REGINALD What? JEROME "I was not born under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms." You know, from Much Ado About Nothing. REGINALD Much Ado about Nothing? JEROME It's a play. REGINALD I know not of this well-titled play. Doth it bespeak my current state of woe? JEROME Are you in love? Reginald nods. JEROME (CONT’D) Then yeah. Jerome sees Reginald's poetry. JEROME (CONT’D) Mind if I have a look? He leans over behind Reginald, looking intent. JEROME (CONT’D) The verse is solid, but the paint imagery's a bit much. REGINALD (defensive) It was my state until quite recently! JEROME I'm just saying. Maybe some variety would be good... Reginald sees his point. REGINALD Still, I think there is some merit in this... Reginald holds up the paper. MUSIC ENTERS. REGINALD (song) My maid is as fair as a fresh-painted rose, And sweet as a luminous crest. Her love shall be true as a portrait's ripose, Until we are both laid to rest. It ends on a MINOR CHORD. Jerome winces a little. JEROME That's really depressing. REGINALD Why, no it is profound! For how can love be spoken of without a little sorrow? JEROME You wrote a bad poem, so you call it 'profound' - it's the oldest trick in the book. REGINALD Well, I should like to see you do better! JEROME She floats on wings of silken grace, Her beauty plain to all who see. Your charms have pierced my lovelorn face, So please float down, my Emily. REGINALD 'Tis...adequate. The final rhyme is strained. JEROME She thought it was pretty good. REGINALD I'm sure 'tis good enough for thy common wench, but my Rachel is not among that number! Suddenly, Reginald has an idea. REGINALD (CONT’D) Perhaps this new-spun verse shall do the trick... My Rachel is sweet, My Rachel is fair; Am I fair enough for her? My verse is so stiff That my songs all despair, But still I'm in love with her. The final CHORD rolls. Jerome is a little impressed. JEROME Actually, that was better. Reginald looks pleased. MUSIC BUILDS. Jerome takes a seat, and they start working on the poem together... Back to Rachel. The initial VAMP returns (in a slightly altered fashion): RACHEL So, tonight I'll head home Knowing someone is there, And then -- maybe dinner for two? Then I'll learn what it's like To be part of a pair, And build on the Rachel I knew. I'll be partly in sync With contemporary life, And not live just through archives and books. I'll see how it looks As my daydreams grow rife, And to hell with what people think! So, I'll lay out a plan So I can jump Maybe tonight... That perfect Knight on my Couch! Rachel walks off whistling as the song FADES OUT.

RACHEL Here and now I've always run from, To find myself in 'then'. Here and now felt trite and fleeting, While 'then' seemed quietly zen. Cloistered away, I found my domain: Making the past make sense. Free and secure, I'd simply abstain, Safe from the present tense. But here and now, I'm done with running, So without much Ado; Here and now is finally here, And what I want, here and now, is you...

REGINALD My love, how deep thy beauty stirs affection; It comes not from a coat of painted gloss, But rather springs from perfect imperfection Unaffected as knolls of fitful moss: The subtle marks that gently speck thy face, And kindred moles that frame thy honest form Bespeak a character with such a grace That a once-frigid soul might now feel warm. I wish my features could return in kind The compound natures that shape thy beauty, But I am simple gloss of simple mind, A character bound by terms of duty. So through this rigid verse I vainly strive To match thy heart, and make my love alive.

REGINALD (intro) I shall not yield to this false, petty fate! RACHEL (intro) Didn't you hear Paul? It's not about what we want. The song begins. REGINALD My soul shall not bend To a painter's ideal For I am in charge of my fate While I am real! Reginald steps over to Rachel... REGINALD (CONT’D) No canvas shall check My dreams or desires. Reginald boldly kisses Rachel on the cheek. REGINALD (CONT’D) My soul shall not bend... He gestures defiantly to show he's still 'all flesh'. Rachel is dazed. She wants to believe him so badly, but... RACHEL That doesn't count. REGINALD Why not?! RACHEL It wasn't for love. You were proving a point. Reginald looks dejected. RACHEL (CONT’D) Besides, it was only on the cheek. He takes her by surprise and kisses her full on the lips. It's undoubtedly romantic, and sure enough, he turns to PAINT. He tries to hide it, but Rachel notices. They break off -- Reginald backs away ashamedly. RACHEL (CONT’D) (consoling) Reginald... REGINALD Please spare me thy pity, And thy maidenly sigh, For I shall fight 'gainst this curse till I should die! But I must prevail Where others may fail, For that's what I'm painted to do! He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and walks over. REGINALD (CONT’D) (mockingly) My soul shall not bend! He strikes a mock-defiant pose. REGINALD (CONT’D) Ha! He leans in to mock his mirror counterpart but stops short, looking disconsolate. The MUSIC becomes softer and higher as Rachel gets up and walks towards him. He watches her through the mirror. RACHEL There's still time. We can figure this out together. REGINALD What can we do? I must refuse my fate, yet I have not the power to change it. RACHEL But what do you really want, Reginald? REGINALD You know. I yearn for new experience, yet I must be destroyed in finding it. RACHEL But... REGINALD No. I must resign myself to my fate. He pulls away again. Rachel, defeated, turns away. She looks at her books. The MUSIC changes tentatively -- Rachel begins to form an idea... She walks over to the bookshelf. The MUSIC settles into a vamp. RACHEL (song) Just stay here and read, You'll find what you need, Unscathed by the chaos out there. Your soul can be free If you'll stay with me, Exploring the stories in here. You'll have grand adventures And feel new emotions, But all at a healthy remove. Just stay here with me... She walks over to Reginald. RACHEL (CONT’D) I know it's not perfect, but at least it's a life. You'll still get to learn new things. She tries to offer him a book. Reginald considers for a beat, then... REGINALD No. The MUSIC returns to the opening vamp. Reginald resumes his defiant stance. REGINALD I cannot live life Confined by a wall; I live to the fullest or else not at all. And I shall prevail Where others would fail, For I am a "Knight of the Realm!" He triumphantly unbuckles his neck armour, and changes his hair. REGINALD (CONT’D) My soul shall not bend! He takes her by the hand. REGINALD (CONT’D) (more intense) My soul shall not bend! He kisses her on the lips. Nothing happens. REGINALD (CONT’D) (triumphant) My soul shall not bend! A Triumphant FANFARE comes in as Reginald kisses her more fully. Rachel is buying into it as well. He breaks off as the final CHORD comes. Suddenly he turns to PAINT.

PAUL He’ll always be with you, In every glance, or sigh. No matter what you try, You never truly say goodbye. He’ll always console you, When you are feeling low. You'll burn with a rosy glow, As he cuts through your thoughts of woe: You'll fondly recall the times that you had, Even those that were mostly bad. Then, with a start, you will suddenly smile, Knowing it was all worthwhile… Yes, he’ll always be with you, Although he’s long been gone. And, then, you can slowly move on, For you know he’ll still be with you on and on…

RACHEL (verse) Life gazed at me, With lifeless eye; It passed me by, 'Till thine eye met mine. I ne’er could dream, Nor hold mine blade; Mere paint displayed, Till you made me shine. (refrain) If ever I feel alive, ‘Tis you, ‘tis you. If ever I thrive, ‘tis you. If ever I have a dream, ‘Tis you, ‘tis you. If ever I gleam, ‘tis you. I never awoke, Nor reasoned, or spoke; I never could see, Till you saw life in me... Reginald steps towards the painting. The MUSIC takes over as he slowly becomes part of his canvas once more...